See! Les Nom Des Gens

Of course, the description will tell you that it's about left wing Baya who will sleep with right wing men to convince them to fight the good fight. This provocative, highly sexual approach at a summary attempting to draw many in is initially what pushed me away from Les Noms des Gens, or The Name of Love in English. In the middle of a sleepless night I gave in & decided it would a least be worth starting. Les Noms is as much about sex as Juno is about pregnancy: not really at all. The true story is a tender and critical look at patriotism & politics.

I was disturbed that Baya may turn into too much of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, but her strength as a character kept the movie anchored. Baya is the dream that you think about after you wake up. She marries illegal immigrants to get them citizenship and is impossibly well connected despite humble roots. Never before have I seen such a perfect merger of painful reality with absurdist humor. Fans of Amelie will gush over something a little more "real life" & less sepia toned.

I always think I will get so much typing accomplished when I am sick, because I'm just sitting around, right? It feels like my brain was stuffed like my nose, because I scrawled two measly sentences & crashed into bed. But watching this movie turned it back on; contrasting disturbing realities about heritage & citizenship with dreams of Paris in technicolour. Baya truly owns the movie, while Arthur is simply a vessel of a character that we explore her questions through. How do you recognize your own country? How can change actually happen?

Every line crafted with brilliance, and the way ends are tied up make you laugh & clap & shout. I would strongly recommend Les Noms Des Gens, even if you aren't a fan of the initial idea. This isn't really about sex. It's almost not even really about politics. This may be a love story, but it's to a people, not a person.


(Available on Netflic Canada)

3 Years

When I was about sixteen years old, a girl I was kind of friends with regularly got beat up. I suspect it was by her boyfriend. I'll probably never know. 

I almost didn't write about this. I'm too predictable a feminist; I get angry at all the things the media tells me to. Besides, it's like everyone knows not to beat up their girlfriends. We take it as a given. Violence is so passé, so we can go back to critiquing the role of Miranda in The Tempest & make ironic tumblrs about rape culture. It felt, & does feel, exploitative to talk about her. We shared smiles & sighs, but not much else. I had her on MSN, back when Myspace was weird and I couldn't imagine Facebook yet. I never went over to her house. We were bored of everything. She, let's call her A, was a lot cooler than me, so I justified not acting like her best friend by assuming someone else would deal with what was so obvious. It seems like no one did. Maybe she wasn't that popular. Maybe I was just looking for an excuse not to move.

Sure, maybe it wasn't her boyfriend. Maybe it was her mom. Maybe she really loved Fight Club. I only know that she got the shit kicked out of her, & that mainly happening during the periods that she was with him. 

Try asking someone you only ever exchange snide remarks about popular music with (the teenager version of pleasantries) if the guy she says reminds her of a love song (Led Zeppelin II, bien sur) caused the cigarette burns on her arms. It could have been a night of excessive drinking dares until you notice she's nervous all of the time. She doesn't eat like you, so it's not unreasonable to assume self infliction, but she never mentioned practicing TaeKwonDo like you until her collar bone is bruised... 

Here is a list of things that I care about more than the Grammys:

-Why CBC plays Nickelback before Hockey Night in Canada

-Any given article that could appear when you hit random on Wikipedia

-Why my dog gets so terrified when I blow into a bottle

But still.

A bunch of people much sassier, smarter, & with more of a following than me have already spoken out about why Chris Brown is still a dirtbag even if it was "three years ago", but I still heard people cheering someone who beat up a woman, no matter how much I turned up The Simpsons. 

Maybe you think it's okay, some big joke even, because celebrities aren't really human, not like you & I. Maybe you think whatever gets published in TMZ is fair game. I don't know. I guess this phenomenon goes both ways; it's so easy to get outraged at what you see on television. It's a convenient, safe, outlet to express disgust. On TV, you don't have to tell Rhianna, who you only kind of know, that you're worried about her. The disconnect can make the choice easy. You don't have to look anyone in the eye. If the people on TV don't like you, well, that won't happen because they'll never know you. I still don't know why I never said anything about A; I tried to justify preserving a friendship that never really existed. Like A with her boy, I just wanted to be liked. I didn't want to start crap. A was real.

Maybe it's Jesus or maybe it's a whole other kind of worship, but I never completely realized the culture of forgiveness we lived in until I heard "It's okay, he apologized" time after time after time last night. It's easy to pass off outrage as angry chickens clucking when they're mad about something on TV, but why did A decide to take back a douchebag who broke her heart & maybe two of her fingers? Good girls can definitely chaaaange him! 

If they try hard enough.

Nice girls forgive & nice girls forget. 

Redemption. 

Redemption. 

Redemption. 

We love underdogs. CBC decides some guy with money can give it to ex cons because it's edgy and it will get people watching. Forgiveness is okay on screen, as long as it's not in our neighbourhood, but we don't think for a second that it ever could be. Comebacks are sexy because they always involve makeovers. Falling down is just part of getting higher. I do not think that people need to be branded as evil & set away from society forever, but to accept people who have made mistakes & to elevate them to the point that they are considered entertaining are very different things. 

In school we learn websites to go to, but they're just free bookmarks we may or may not use. We need to empower communities to the point that when one points out that another is suffering, it does not feel like an accusation. There should not be shame in getting hurt. Girls need to know that it's okay not to forgive, that it doesn't make us mean bitchy people, but just more who have had their trust betrayed, and that's completely okay. Anyone who has enough love, no matter how conflicted, to try to forgive is someone who can be the pillar of our country. Truly, they can do the greatest things. We just need to teach them that sorry isn't enough.

What's three years anyway? What would you say to a man who decided his emotions were more important than a woman's face three years ago? Would you tell your best friend that he said sorry? Your daughter? Some girl you shared a break with once? What could have possibly changed in three years?

Funny, because it was also three years ago that I saw A working at Tim Horton's. I was on a date; we both smiled awkwardly. I didn't ask about any relationships. She didn't make eye contact with me. We both pretended we'd talk again. She was still much prettier than me, so she probably had lots of friends to help her through any tough times she was having, right? 

Right? 

I hope she can forgive me too. 

If you need number to call, there's a lot, but here's one that warns you about browser history. If you're a bit younger, this might be more helpful.

I was looking for a website with warning signs of physical abuse, but truth be told I didn't really find one that was very good, so I am very open to suggestions.

The image above in my own screencap from Les Nom des Gens, which is excellent.

Embracing Monday

How the heck do puppies lead to existentialism??!

An mental crisis following the death of my grandfather coupled with a raging fever caused by too many walks with a certain impatient pug currently keeps me far too inside of my apartment has led to a self indulgent "quest for knowledge" that I assume will be resolved in a Wikipedia article or two. It's tricky to attempt to think outside of the box when there are so many boxes out there to potentially think in. Skepticism aside, taking the time to actually read about the conclusions that have made up the assumptions I make today has at the very least been interesting. When sharing my newfound critical anti esssentialist rheotoric of the absurd or whatever sounds smart with Luke, he told me that the Sobey's logo has the word "obey" in it.

Ouff. & then I go back to cat photos....

***

There are no abortion services in Prince Edward Island! What? WHAT? Get on it, Internet! I know you can help Kandace do this! I know that abortion is a touchy subject for some of you, but allow me to plea to your reason. What if you were told you could build a home but no one would sell you land? What if you were told you lived in a country where everyone ate and you were constantly denied access to food? Extreme examples illustrate how unethical it is to say one thing and then prevent it. I know we are all fighting for equality together, and sometimes that has to happen in a variety of ways.

/endplea

PS: It doesn't have to turn into this!

How to make Twilight readable via Chelsea

I've been in the news lately because I don't have a car. Isn't that great? 

'A town where green thumbs, not sticky fingers, prevails' because that's such a great tagline. 

Of course, the day after the Super Bowl I am reading about beer. Ughhhhhh.

I've never shopped at Mark's Work Warehouse before, but after this reaction to their treatment of Canadian workers, everyone I know will be getting warm socks & plaid shirts next Christmas.

I will do all of these. All. You will mock me, but I will. Especially the Canadian flag one.  

@jjsteeves is relevant to everyone's lives.

Really craving gofer cakes right now for some reason... 

A freed black man writes a letter to his former master, and I cry a lot a lot a lot. 


"Why have a civilization if we're no longer interested in being civilized?!" Yep, this looks like the best movie about killing people who are really annoying with upbeat music in the background ever.

& finally, my favourite Wanderlust inspiring hobby since my life has consisted of bed 24/7 for the past 3 days... 

The start of something new: Always Getting Better

Here's a funny story that isn't that funny at all but I'll say funny because of the timing:

 Fifteen minutes ago, I heard someone call one of their friends (? I use this word loosely) a 'skitzo' because she is "fake" and "pretends to be a different person around different people." The over the top educator in me was all OH NO, that's not schizophrenia at all, while the human in me was sad that people who probably don't understand the effects of their words choose to use such loaded terms. I said "That's not cool." I got weird looks. I look like the girl who hates everyone and everything. I angry tweeted, because that's just what you do, and then I texted K. Because she's great.

The doctor's office can be scary, as if admitting defeat to... well... yourself somehow means you've failed someone. Although nothing can replace the advice of a professional, my maverick friend and longtime contributor Katharine Alaska (affectionately K) has been grappling with life during recovery for a while, and though she's no expert on the science behind it, I think she's a pretty great example of a living being seeing the world with new eyes. Hopefully, she can get you to reconsider some of your choices or unmotivations in getting healthy. If she can't, well, she can probably still make you laugh or grin.

Always Getting Better will be a new regular series devoted to talking about issues in mental health, answering questions about how to help, and just spewing off on ignorance when it needs to happen. You can reach K through the comments, or by tossing me an email. 

-Allison

Here’s the thing.

The women here have written deftly on mental illness and on body image and empowerment and now I want nothing more than to share with you the things that make me happy to be alive every day, pertaining to all of that.

Here is the most important thing I have ever, ever learned to say: I love myself.

That’s a big thing for me say. I mean BIG.

I know that all women struggle with the issue of self love, but when you suffer from the inside, in a way that drives you to the very edges of sanity the hatred you have for yourself consumes your entire being.

I’m sure that every person who has suffered from some form of mental illness has a point in their lives when they are sure it’s all over. It may come early, like for me or it may take until you are in you’re in your 50s like many of the people I have been treated alongside.  The thing is we hit the point of seeming no return and too many don’t make it past, not whole at least.

I, for one, will always be a little afraid of knives and guns and the memory of a time not too long ago will send me into dizzying fits of tears and shame. The truth is, that the love that I have for myself is so much stronger now that I have known what it is to hate myself so completely.

We learn things in treatment that sound like bullshit when you’re sick but that I have found are the most honest things I’ve ever been told. I want to go back to that place and look everyone in the eyes and say, “write this stuff down, you may not see the use now but you will want all of this when you start to see yourself healing”

That’s just it- learning about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, basically the effect that changing the way you understand yourself intellectually has on your wellness sounded logical but out of touch when I was there but daily, I combat my own mind using the tactics that a sweet Philipina nurse gave me. I was also taught that the more you say something, the more you believe it which was exemplified by my crying every night and telling myself I was never going to heal. Now I write every single day in the mirror in my bathroom and the fogged window in my shower “Love yourself” “Love life” “You are amazing”, ugh, it sounds so cheesy but that’s just the kind of thing that I find myself doing now that I’m well on the road to healing. Things are not perfect, I get hung up on boys, I have academic failures and nights when I’m so anxious I don’t want to go out but the honest truth is that things turn around.

You can train yourself to love your faults and be proud of your smallest successes.

I treat myself, too. Not with things that are big or unrealistic but I give myself time to do things that better my life. I learn to do things, I write letters and allow myself to sit in cafes, alone for hours just because I want to. All of these are ways to practice self love. 

How do you take care of yourself?

In solidarity and strength

Katherine Alaska

***

Some images, explained: 

• Sunshine! I make a point to force myself to be outside, especially when it's sunny. In the dead of winter, a little vitamin D and fresh air goes a long way!
• Fruit/veggies- I roast asparagus like it's my job. It feels good to make something simple that I'm genuinely going to enjoy every bite of. Fruit also rocks my world, be careful if you take medication, though- grapefruit affects the body's metabolism of some meds. Ask your doctor if you should cut it out!
• Make conscious food decisions! I became a weekday vegetarian, which has given me lots of energy and pride in knowing that I'm take care of my glorious body!
• Adventure. I am always exploring, driving through big puddles with my car on the way out to the bay to birdwatch, hike and just be outside with people I love! It makes my life so much better than if I stayed inside! 
• Indulge, man. Read books all day on Sunday, sit in a cafe for hours when you get off work, learn something new, drink chocolate soymilk for no reason and don't count the calories!
• A's ending note: May I suggest this?